Well, we can't always be serious!
| Author | Comment |
| Princess Mushroom Mar 3, 05 - 4:47 PM |
Aristasian Jokes I have heard it said that different peoples have different senses of humour, and at least some of what one nation finds funny is incompehensible to others. Is this true of Aristasians? Here is a joke told by an Aristasian that I find quite funny, but I am told non-Aristasians would not find it funny at all. Is that right? Here is the joke. Two blondes in conversation: "I know how you feel." "How do I feel?" "You just put out your hand and touch it, and proing! proing! , you feel it!" |
| Diana Mar 4th, 2005 - 12:33 AM |
Re: Aristasian Jokes That is a very silly joke even by blonde standards. I prefer the one about the blonde who opened a box of Cheerios and said "OOoh look! Doughnut seeds!" It strikes me that there are two kinds of blonde-joke. Jokes about blondes, like that one, and jokes by blondes like the one above! |
| Annya | Re: Aristasian Jokes Well, I like the feeling joke. Much better than the one about the bonde who put lipstick on her forehead to prove she could make up her mind. |
| Miss Belleanne Mar 5th, 2005 - 1:52 AM |
Re: Aristasian Jokes I told the feeling joke to a native today and he thought it most amusing. Of course, my delivery might have had something to do with his opinion, as he finds my accent a source of endless entertainment. |
| Diana Mar 5th, 2005 - 11:48 AM |
Re: Aristasian Jokes well, anyway, it seems there was this blonde who was stopped by a constabel. "Excuse me, madam, is there any reason why you were weaving all over the road?" "Yes, constabel, I saw a tree in front of me so I turned left. Then there was another tree in front of me so I swerved right. But there was yet *another* tree in front of me so I had to swerve left again." "Were they pine trees, madam?" "Why yes, constabel." "That was your air freshener, madam." |
| Diana Mar 7th, 2005 - 1:19 PM |
Re: Aristasian Jokes Why are most blonde jokes one-liners? So brunettes can remember them. |
| Princess Mushroom Mar 11th, 2005 - 1:49 PM |
Re: Aristasian Jokes A brunette walks into the Golden Lioness. She is immacculately dressed in the Trentish style, but one cannot help noticing that she has a giant orange in place of a head. Brunettes stare at her rather curiously, and blondes look upon her with an affection that is more than curious. She goes up to the bar and orders a drink. The barmaid (for barmaids are sticklers for detail) asks: "Excuse me, ma'am, but have you got a giant orange instead of a head?" "Yes," says the brunette, "I've had it for years." "Would it be rude to ask how you came to have it, ma'am?" "Not at all. You see, one day I was clearing out my attic when I found an old brass lamp. I gave it a rub and a beautiful genie appeared and granted me three wishes. So I immediately wished for a million sovereigns, and at once my attic was filed with glittering gold coins. "Then I wished to be atractive to all blondes. The genie waved her hand and, with all due modesty I think I can say that blondes do rather take to me." "I see, ma'am. And what happened then?" "Well then - and I do feel rather silly about this - I wished to have a giant orange for a head." |
| Miss Belleanne Mar 11th, 2005 - 8:16 PM |
Re: Aristasian Jokes Heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee! |
| Annya Mar 12th, 2005 - 12:44 PM |
Re: Aristasian Jokes An elegant brunette had a fine horse named Blackfire, upon whom she loved to ride abroad in her dashing riding-habit and high hat. She was the envy of other brunettes and the admiration of blondes, so fine and gallant did she look. But one day she began to have an unusual problem. A family of tiny birds had nested in Blackfire's mane. Sometimes they flew in and out, but mostly one did not see them. However their chirrupping and twittering was now a constant accompaniment to the high brunette's regal rides. And the other brunettes, rather than sighing in envy, began to laugh. Even the blondes were heard to titter a little. The brunette tried everything to rid Blackfire of her new tenants, but nothing worked. In the end she went to her brunette mother, who advised her to seek out Old Meg the wise-woman. So the brunette went to Old Meg, who pondered long, gazing into her mystic green fire, and said at last. "It is a rare problem, but not unknown. Go you to Bethan the Baker and obtain fresh yeast. Rub it night and morning into your horse's mane for three days, and the birds shall depart." A little skeptical, the brunette followed Old Meg's advice, and sure enough, on the evening of the third day, the birds rose up in a flock out of Blackfire's mane, twittering and chirping, and were never seen again. The brunette returned to Old Meg and presented her with gold sovereigns in gratitude, and asked her: "Most learned elder, pray tell me why this strange method has worked to rid us of the birds." Old Meg looked up slowly from her mystic green fire and said: "There is an old proverb: Yeast is yeast and nest is nest And never the mane shall tweet." |
| Myscha Mar 12th, 2005 - 1:47 PM |
Re: Aristasian Jokes (blonde spelling) quoting Diana: there was this blonde who was stopped by a constabel. don't you mean "constabelle" sweetheart? (blondes. You gotta love 'em ;-) |
| Miss B*X Mar 14th, 2005 - 11:10 PM |
Re: Aristasian Jokes I know a certain Blonde who would have an aversion to a Brunette with a giant orange for a head, however appealing (a-peeling, ha!) she was. The slightest hint of orange and the poor lass is violently ill. I have always liked the brief joke of the numbers "0" and "8" Q ~ What did the zero say to the eight? A ~ "I say! nice belt!" It raises a titter in my household anyway. Toodle pip! Miss B*X |
| Miss Belleanne Mar 15th, 2005 - 12:10 AM |
Re: Aristasian Jokes Jolly good, Miss B! I shall file that away for future reference. |
| Princess Mushroom Mar 15th, 2005 - 4:25 PM |
Re: Aristasian Jokes Q: Where do yo put a mad letter. A: In a padded envelope. I made that up myself. Remember - you heard it first at the Blondes' and Brunettes' Club! |
| Annya Mar 24th, 2005 - 2:24 AM |
Re: Aristasian Jokes Hippity-hop, hippity-hop, a rabbit hops into a baker-maid's shop. "Have you any lettuce?" asks the rabbit. "Of course not," says the baker-maid. "This is a baker's shop. Try the greengrocer across the road." So, hippity-hop, hippity-hop, the rabbit hops off to the greengrocer's shop. The next day: Hippity-hop, hippity-hop, the rabbit hops into the baker-maid's shop. "Have you any lettuce?" asks the rabbit. "Now I have already told you," says the baker-maid, "this is a baker's shop. Go to the greengrocer across the road." So, hippity-hop, hippity-hop, the rabbit hops off to the greengrocer's shop. This happens every day for a week until finally, in exasperation, the baker-maid replies. "No, no, no! This is a baker's shop. If you ever ask me for lettuce again I shall pin your ears together." So, hippity-hop, hippity-hop, the rabbit hops off to the greengrocer's shop. But the next day, in comes the rabbit again to the baker maid. "Have you any pins?" asks the rabbit. "Of course not, replies the baker-maid. "This is a baker's shop." "Have you any lettuce?" asks the rabbit. |
| Sintala Mar 25th, 2005 - 9:31 AM |
Re: Aristasian Jokes Now look here, you pettes - I apologize in advance if this joke is a bit near the knuckle. It is the sort of thing rough brunettes tell behind the bike sheds, and - lets's be frank - a few brunette gentilmaids might also tell such jokes over stilton and cigarillos when the port has been round once too often. To explain the old context, it is a bottle joke. "Bottle" is Aristasian slang for a Tellurian woman who is attracted to em-ee-en. From the rhyming slang: "bottle o' beer" - qveer. All right. Here goes. Buzz off you blondes. Brunettes only. Two bottles go to the zoo. They are sanding in front of the gorilla's cage and one of them is rather fascinated by the raw masculinity of the gorilla. She makes some involuntary gesture which the gorilla takes to be a sign of affection. So without another word (gorillas being the strong, silent type) it grabs her, drags her through the bars, hauls her off to its gorilla lair where it does dreadful gorilla things to her. No, I don't know what gorillas do. Look it up in Masters and Johnson if you're interested. Naturally the other bottle screams like anything and all the keepers come running along with their ropes and nets and finally drag the frenzied gorilla off the poor woman, who is taken off to hospital unconscious. The next morning the other bottle goes to visit her. She is sitting up in bed looking slightly bruised and very miserable. "How are you?" asks her friend anxiously, "are you hurt?" "Of course I'm hurt," replies the poor bottle. "He hasn't written, he hasn't rung, how can I not be hurt?" |
| Miss B*X Mar 25th, 2005 - 11:13 AM |
Re: Aristasian Jokes Well.....REALLY!.....Is that entirely appropriate for a civilised, Ladies' club, what? There ARE Blondes present, you know |
| Princess Mushroom Mar 25th, 2005 - 11:26 AM |
Re: Aristasian Jokes Rough brunettes in the Club! "Buzz off you blondes" indeed! What a way to address the Fair Sex. What is the District Governess doing about this, I want to know. |
| Miss Drusilla Mar 25th, 2005 - 8:02 PM |
Re: Aristasian Jokes If simply posting to this forum placed you under my authority, Sintala, you would be severely chastised for telling such an inappropriate joke anywhere in Aristasia, least of all in the presence of blondes. Saying "Buzz off, blondes" first in no way mitigates the offence; rather, it compounds a large discourtesy with a smaller one. Neither are acceptable. Should you choose to post again, you will please remember the high standards of propriety and courtesy expected within these environs, and the respect for the fair sex that ought to be ingrained upon the soul of every Aristasian brunette. The same applies to every one of you. "No vulgarity or unkindness is tolerated." Take heed. |
